Number One Empowering Question For Parents
Every single parent knows that their children are copy-cats. In reality, they duplicate so often, and so well, that they are virtually “copy machines”. They mimic what you say, the way you express it, and under what circumstances you say it. They emulate the way you move about, how you act, how you act in response to events, how you think of other people, and pretty much everything else you do.
But we also appreciate that now and again, we desire to teach them one thing, and they learn something different. For example, you’re intending to teach your child about gardening and how much fun it is to nurture vegetables, but they learn to run off when they see a worm or a spider, creating a new permanent dread (or simple “great disgust”).
The snag is needless to say that children learn at a unique speed. They just don’t predictably learn what you want them to learn. And it’s worse because sometimes you don’t know (or don’t even reflect on) what you would like your child to learn.
But deciding what you intend your child to find out is not foremost when you’re sitting alongside your daughter trying to teach them something. Well, it is vital, but it’s obviously at the forefront of your awareness. The significant times are when you are not attempting to openly teach your child something, but they are going to discover something nevertheless. It’s at these times that you especially need to be alert to what your child is learning.
As an example, if you and your companion are in disagreement about something, and either of you curses and storms off rather than managing the arguement coherently and equitably, what will your child learn? Well, the chief thing they’ll become skilled at is a new word, one that you don’t want them speaking in public! The second thing they’re likely to learn is: “when in an argument, run off rather than managing it.” Or something comparable that, at any rate.
So knowing that your son is going to learn something in EACH AND EVERY situation they are in is important. Deciding in advance what you’d prefer them to discover is something altogether different. And that’s the reason why the most critical empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?
If you can hold a question like this in your mind as much as possible, and above all where you are strongly demonstrative or reacting from custom, you’ll begin to have an extraordinary capacity to inspire your child even more than you do before now. You’ll be able to show them more of how you mean them to behave, in a way that’s more like you at your best, as opposed to you at your worst. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND say”, without distressing so much about your language and behaviour being in accordance. You’ll be able to tell your child as they age why you behave the way you do, knowing that they’ll previously have had years of seeing you act in line with your morals and rules.
But… you will only be successful in doing this if you have a critical state of mind that parents need to encompass, something that makes this empowering question effective. Without help, the question is of use, but it’s not the only thing you need.
Read part 2 of this article to find out what that outlook is…
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